I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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