whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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