Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
