i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
