Even the bartender felt bad for me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
