Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
