people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
