I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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