I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
