nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
