We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
