White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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