Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't deserve a penis
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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