Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
