just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
