i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
