It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
