im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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