After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
