apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
