It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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