Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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