I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
