What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
