Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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