yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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