Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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