Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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