I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
