Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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