if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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