Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
