fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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