So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
