I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
