Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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