his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
