the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
