If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
