I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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