Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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