You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
