just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
