I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
