I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
