Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
