We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
