I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
