My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
