i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
