I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
