Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
