great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
